(This post is part of a series of my birth stories. Click here for the first one.)
I got changed into a gown; another laborious process in active labor, and the nurse attempted to check me. Let me explain something: I had never been vaginally checked for dilation/effacement before this point. My midwives believed in being less invasive, and I was a disciple of that practice. Not tuh-day, nurses. Not TUH-DAY! I flipped all the way out when she did her thing, daring her to try it again. LOL I overheard her on the phone saying, “She’s at least 6 centimeters. I couldn’t quite tell; she wouldn’t let me check her.” So I shouted, “And don’t EVER check me again!” Thankfully, they didn’t. It was in that room that I met Roxanne. (cue the angels singing) I don’t know what island she was from, based on her accent, but she was heaven-sent. She was calm and reassuring. She was just what I needed, cause I was terrified.
That’s the way I can describe this experience: terrifying. I had my eyes closed from this point on, afraid to look down, up, around, etc. I relied on scents and sounds! I begged Roxanne not to leave me, and gave her permission to guide my husband in what to do. The nurses were moving like ants in an attempt to get my birthing tub ready, calling my midwife, and realizing that I wouldn’t make it another 15 minutes. I WASN’T REAAAADDDYYY!
The nurses began filling up the tub for my water birth. It was really happening! I was on my hands and knees when the first INVOLUNTARY push happened. It felt like a balloon was trying to emerge from my behind. Then there was a pop sound, and fluid. I yelled for my husband to get help, cause either my water broke, or I urinated on myself. Unfortunately, the nurses noticed meconium (a newborn’s first poop) in the fluid, and they wanted to be able to monitor everything better than a water birth may allow. Plus, the tub WAS. NOT. READY. I didn’t care at that point. The nurse said something like, “No, don’t push, don’t push! We’re not ready!” Um, I shared those same sentiments, but my body was ready. I actually tried to avoid it…I didn’t win. LOL
They turned me over just in time for my midwife to fly in and demand that I open my legs. Whyyyyy? I wanted to tap out at that point. Not from pain, but from the thought of pushing a human out. I don’t even remember feeling pain at this point. She said, “You have to open your legs, or you will squeeze your baby’s head!” What head?! Freak-out mode was in full effect. It took an army to help me keep them open. Anxiety was rearing its ugly head. I even heard Roxanne say, “You have strong legs,” to which I quickly replied, “I was a cheerleader,” while continuing to fight them. Next thing you know, I felt a push coming on, so I went with it, and forced Sug (my baby) out. I heard everyone scream, “No, no!” And I politely said, “Yeeeees!” I’m not going to lie, the ring of fire made me yell something that I’m not proud of. But he was out, and it was over (for the most part).
The euphoria and relief was amazing!! They placed him on my chest, and I peeked at him for half a second before reverting back to my terrified eye closure. I felt a warm sensation on my chest, only to find out that he had pooped on me. I wasn’t even angry. Hubby ended up having to do skin-to-skin contact with Sug, cause my anxiety, about possibly needing stitching, had gotten worse. But the midwives, nurses, and doctors took great care of us, despite my anxiety-filled rants. What can I say? It was my first time.
Do you have any funny memories from childbirth?